This week, I had to REALLY come to terms with the fact that this pandemic and political climate, some things I've experienced personally, and this doctoral program are starting to wear on me. Any one of these individually, I'd be able to manage pretty well but I am not managing well right now.
One of the ways I know I'm not managing well is by my sleep. It's been consistently off since the 2020 election. But I'm a Taurus and other than eating and sex, we DO sleep. No doubt about that. I'm gonna nap and I'm gonna get my sleep. LOL! So one of the things that I've been trying to do is create and stick to a sleep routine. Whoever knew that you needed a sleep routine??! But I actually look forward to it every night and for the most part, it has been working to improve my sleep.
My routine is to brush my teeth, get in whatever clothes (or not) I'm going to sleep in, put on my lavender lotion meant to encourage sleep, do my nightly meditation and listen to some "soundscapes" or a "sleep story" until I drift off. Sometimes I'll do some bedtime yoga if my body is particularly tight or sore too.
A couple nights ago, I did a nightly meditation that actually made me cry and since then, I have started doing it more regularly. It's powerful and very healing to me. Of course, I must share:
The instructor or "guider" called this a loving-kindness meditation. She asked us to place our hand over our heart and begin to generate warmth and love towards ourselves. Then she asked us to say the following affirmations:
May I be happy.
May I be safe.
May I be healthy.
May I be at peace.
Simple, right? But really powerful to talk to yourself in that way, offering yourself the things you truly want and need. Who doesn't want to be happy, safe, healthy and at peace? Especially right now!
This is where I cried though. She then asked us to put in our minds someone who brings us joy and makes us smile when we think of them. So I chose a person but I couldn't keep that person in my mind. Someone else kept popping up. I released my initial choice and placed him in my mind instead. With my hand still over my heart, she asked us to open our hearts to that person and then say the same affirmations over them as we said to ourselves. My body immediately got tense when she prompted me to open my heart to him but I stayed with it...
May you be happy.
May you be safe.
May you be healthy.
May you be at peace.
My eyes started burning after the first affirmation and tears were properly flowing after the third one. Not a sob, per se but a few meaningful tears that were restorative to me. Again, simple affirmations. But of course, all of these are things I want for him. He and I cannot be together anymore but I still want, more than anything, for him to be happy, safe, healthy and at peace.
Next, the guider asked us to put someone in our minds who did NOT bring us joy or make us smile when we thought of them. She called them "difficult." I call them something else but for the purpose of this blog, we'll also call them difficult. And I chose two people. One in my present and one in my past. And again, my body tensed up when the guider asked us to open our heart to them "as much as we [felt] comfortable and able to do so."
May you be happy.
May you be safe.
May you be healthy.
May you be at peace.
Through this, I developed a tightlipped face where my words were barely coming out because I was obviously frustrated with these people. But it was good for me to see that in myself because I know I have some forgiving to do and some things to work out.
Lastly, she asked us to consider the whole of the world and/or universe and to open our hearts there...
May you all be happy.
May you all be safe.
May you all be healthy.
May you all be at peace.
Inshallah. Ase. Amen.
If you're feeling anxious these days or unhealed in some areas, I highly recommend playing some soft music one morning before you start your day or one night before you go to sleep and do this meditation. I try to choose different people for the prompts and it's been a meaningful experience for me each time.
I also threw it on a sticky note and put it in my bathroom so I have it as a daily reminder that this too shall pass and that while healing is slow, it is steady and worth it. You are worth it too. I promise.
Be happy. Be safe. Be healthy. Be at peace. Truly.
